Burn for Me Baby

In one morbid moment, the topic came up -- what age do you wanna die? There were a lot of numbers thrown in-- 40, 50, ah, er, now? We all agreed though that nobody really wanna die old. Who wants to live forever anyway?

I used to think that 30 is it for me. I figured I'd work out my dream job for three years, travel around for about two, get married at 28 and die at 30. Nope, I didn't plan for kids for frankly, I fear for the next generation.

I wanted to die young because I was vain. I wanted to die young because I was frustrated about a world that's getting more dirty, deceptive and cruel with each passing year. I wanted to die young because every time I flip though the papers, turn on my tv and tune in to world events, i always find myself asking-- what's the point? And most importantly, I wanted to die young because I figured there's no place like heaven.

Now, I'm 25. And I realize that I'm missing out a very big point. That life is a gift and it's meant to be enjoyed. If we fight it and hurry too much, we miss the taste of heaven here.

I love people and through the years I've met so many already whose stories intertwine and echo out the same chords -- impatience, boredom, anger, depression. And I guess the problem really is not the world but that we've lost the fire, the passion to live.

I count myself blessed because everytime I find myself teetering on the edge, things and people drop by to inspire me in so many ways.

I burn:

* Every time I pick up my sticks and play the drums no matter if I'm the only one who can hear the music

* When I see opposites like Berna and Bongkie work out a sweet life together

* When I see Emi's idealism shine through in a world of dirty politics

* When I see KJ fight for love even though she's been broken down so many times

* When I hear Dani's life story and see for myself how she's evolved into a beautiful person

* Whenever I hook up with Ann and discuss the many places we've yet to conquer

* Because of friends like Henryl and Burp whose loyalty and sweet words never fail to amaze me

* When I picture my brother sailing with the wind in Boracay

* When I see my parents together in their little house by the sea

* Because my group of writer-friends constantly challenge me to write

* When Charlotte, Millicent, Orleyne, Lucille and a lot more across the miles keep in touch through years. They make me realize that some friendships never die.

* Everytime I celebrate with Almera the Igat the beeyutifulicious life of being a girl

* When i see Jong and Janice in their studio bringing their art to life

* With the glow of the moon

* Every time I see people like Alvin not giving up on me

* Evertime I hear Tina Arena belt out that remarkable song "Burn" -- my all time favorite

* When I see big guys like Martin brew delicious coffee and other concoctions for clueless people like me and who, most of all, manage to stay naughty, sweet and young at heart

* In those few moments my cousins and i get together to have fun and plot out how we're going to shine out in a dull world

* When I see how my yet single sister is making a beautiful life for adorable Allen

* When I think of Artist Link, talk of a school with Berna, and explore all other possibilities

* Everytime I'm driven to kiss by love

* When I look at the TCR/CAR Team -- Au, Judith, Glenn, Berna, Rizande, Paulo, Jazel -- all so bright yet so different. In moments I wanna puke from all those troubled news, these guys actually keep me going. There's a thrill knowing how far we've come together working on the same goal. They keep me sane realizing that we're on the same boat. And it's a great relief to know that when I talk of chapter 11s, defaults, the MacDonald's or gay litigation, there are people out there like them who actually understand what the hell I'm talking about. They don't make me sound so much like an alien. Sigh. I'll miss you guys! Keep it up.

* When I remember Donna and Ronald living out the life they want

* Whenever I'm in Boracay daring to try out so many firsts and holding on to my brother's promise of a kiteboarding lesson

* Whenever I read stories that inspire

* Whenever I let go and let myself love and be loved

So many things, so many people reminding me why life is worth the wait.

It's a pity -- so many of us get burned out without having ever really lived. But as what my fave author would say, our mission is really not to be without problems, but to be excited. Or should i say, inspired.

Oh, I still want to die young. But if I don't, that's okay too. Thing is, the journey is really beautiful when we just hold on to the fire.

Cheers!