Calling It Quits

Headliners Senator Miguel Zubiri and Tourism Secretary Alberto Lim recently rocked the news feeds when, out of the blue, they decided to call it quits. Surprised as I was, I didn’t know whether to applaud them or to write to them to audition for gLee (Just imagine the capital “L” on Sue Sylvester’s mocking forehead). But wait, that isn’t right-- the losers in gLee are not quitters and quitters are not necessarily “losers”… or are they?

Regardless of how we feel about it, quitting always gets a bad rap. From an early age, we’ve been told that to succeed, one must persist in the face of adversity. Weren’t we trained to always stick with our projects at all costs – even when we're totally fed up? Who hasn’t memorized that oft repeated line, "A quitter never wins and a winner never quits"? All right, but still, why do we find so many people – even the successful ones – quitting time and again?

Reports say Zubiri resigned from his post to protect his “honor and integrity” in the face of electoral doubt. Secretary Lim cited he wants to spend more time with his family. Granted, being all-too-political, I don’t quite trust these reasons. But for sure, seeing the relief and lightness on their photographed faces after their controversial pronouncements made me think: What if winners do quit and quitters do win? What if quitting would actually benefit us more? Even Oprah quit her phenomenal show, didn’t she?

Quitting sucks, true, but could it be that sometimes it might just be the right thing? If that is so, then the more important question is: When do we know it’s time to quit?

Maybe you’ve been wondering about these questions too: When do we quit a selfish lover? Do we ever give up an old dream or an annoying friend? Is it wise to let go of a 10-year relationship? When do we decide to quit one path and move to another one? In a life of limitless opportunities for growth, when is it time to quit seeking one and pursue another?

I don’t claim to know the perfect answers but for me, here are some signs that make quitting pretty much a good idea:

We Want A Different Now
We keep complaining about our present, our jobs and yet, we keep doing the same routine, the same mind numbing work. We keep repeating the same actions and yet somehow expect different results? I guess there’s a name for it: insanity. We do the world a favor then if we just shut up or quit.

You're Not Learning Anything New
Say, you’ve been involved in a project for a while -- are you still getting anything out of it or has it merely become a habit? Do you feel as though you're just going around in circles? Are you just beating against a brick wall that’s thicker than your head? I guess all these are fine so long as you enjoy what you’re doing. But then, when there is no progress, it makes more sense to stop or walk around the wall to move forward and start something new. Quitting a dead end project frees up your resources to do other things that provide more value in return. If there is another way which allows you more growth, passion and fulfillment, then switch to that. As one writer puts it, “There is no shame in leaving a path that has become barren. Your dreams can’t be lived in the future, they must be experienced now.”

The Experience Is Not Worth the Dream
Sometimes, we emphasize so much on achieving the dream that we forget that, in the big picture, it’s actually just a small portion of life’s journey. Isn’t it that any achievement, by itself, holds no lasting emotional value? We celebrate success, sure, but after that, then what? Maybe we should just ask ourselves instead: regardless of future success, win or lose – do we feel alive pursuing the dream? Would we enjoy the long tricky climb to becoming a movie star, perhaps? Would the experience cause us to grow? Is it enhancing our relationships and reinforcing our values? Does this path fill us with passion and enthusiasm? If not, then we’re better off pursuing another one that will.

We Just Wish It Was Over
If all we can think about is the day when we'll finally graduate, or finally retire, then it's worth thinking whether this is indeed the right course for us. Every project we undertake will have its lows and less-than-fun moments, true. But if we’re on the right path, it won’t always feel that way. When we’re working towards our real goals, the process will generally feel worthwhile and interesting.

Our Priorities Have Changed
Some of us might still be pursuing a career path chosen by an ignorant teenager – ourselves! If we chose our dreams at sixteen, maybe it’s time to re-think things. What was right for us 10 years ago – or even a year ago, may not be a good fit now. Various life events may have seen our beliefs or priorities change. Maybe we’ve gained a new skill or started a family. Do you really still want to ride a bike when your feet are already wrapped in heels? You might want to quit that expensive hobby so you can finally buy your dream house. As for me, I don’t often give up on stories. I’m stubborn that way. But sometimes, I could finish writing a good one and then trash it, simply because it doesn’t “feel right” anymore. I quit a story when, after the process, it's no longer my current truth.

Contrary to conventional wisdom, there is power and glory in giving up, but, let me just carefully add “at the right time”. Quitting can help us refocus our energy on other opportunities we can succeed. I like the way W.C. Fields puts it: “If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.”

--SunStar Weekend, August 20, 2011