FL Recess

Holy week provided such a welcome respite. For the first time in a long while, I opted not to go anywhere. Now, I’m feeling quite smug for catching the city off guard in a rare moment of quietness. Watching the bare streets stretch to sleep in the fading twilight move my heart like no lover has yet.

I miss brooding. I miss the way a cup of coffee would taste like after some minutes of being ignored while the mind wanders. I miss the feel of a face unburdened by aching cheeks from smiling too much lately. I miss the stillness of the midnight hour. I miss that part of me that I know too well.

Is it because I feel myself changing? Or is it realizing that despite the change, some questions remain the same?

It’s been more than a month of catching and living the blur of the Fairyland train. I’ve done things I didn’t know I could, traveled to cities I thought I wouldn’t go back to for a while, and met and befriended people who assume characters in an alternate universe.

I must say that exploring this new world for a short while has made me see more things about me than I thought existed.

For one, working in a boys’ town led by Harry Potter, I didn’t now I could learn to appreciate the world of games and sports. I discovered it’s possible to spend a day rock climbing and rope sliding in Busay even after a series of sleepless days and nights. Or that it’s also possible to work hard the next day even with your butt aching and your skin smiling with bruises. You even realize that some things, like skydiving, are not so farfetched after all.

And I’ve discovered there is one more way to keep sane in a crazy town: Work hard by day then party harder by night. I’ve learned that sometimes, you need not think too hard. Spontaneity could lead to the best results. Most things are best done, not tomorrow, not next week, but now.

It’s been a really fast ride since working for Harry Potter. He’s not one to waste a moment. It’s fun and exhausting at the same time. You tend to forget about time and stops. But now that the holiday has paused the train, I can’t help but glance at the window once more … only to realize that the world outside is no longer the same for me.

I feel myself becoming a stranger to my own goals and destination. It scares me.

Where am I headed? Where do I want to go? Do I get off the train or heed Harry Potter’s call to continue and explore more of this new world?

Why is it that even after all those changes, all those places, and all those people who help reshape who you are… you find that you’re as clueless as ever? I’m haunted by the same old questions still.

Maybe it’s time to take a page out of Harry Potter’s book … to simply let go, flow and experience the moment. One more fun ride on the merry-go-round and maybe the world will shift as it’s meant to. And if I fall along the way, I just pray I’d still find the courage in me to believe, spread my wings, and fly.