Loved and Lost

They say love is always worth fighting. But when or where exactly do you draw the line? How do you know when to raise the white flag or when to continue fighting? How can you tell the difference between being foolish and brave?

For me, I guess, you know you’ve lost the fight when:

1. He tells you he can’t see you as being The One

2. No matter how close you’ve become, he says you’re not the only one he’s interested in after all… there are a couple more.

3. He admits that the only reason he’s not bored with you is because he doesn’t see you that often.

4. He agrees that you’re better off getting over him.

They say, in life, it’s better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. How the world lies.

Just recently, I’ve loved and lost and I honestly don’t understand how this could be any better when:

1. You start to wonder what the fuck is wrong with you – plagued with questions like am I not beautiful enough, was I too kind, not funny enough, too bitchy, too nice?

2. You begin to ask why you never seem to be enough and doubt if you’ll ever be enough for anybody

3. You realize that a good part of you dies – that part birthed from childhood that has remained stubbornly optimistic, that stubbornly insists that life will turn out good if you just believe, despite the many shit that happen through the years.

4. You have to live with the consequences of doing the right thing (letting go)– that of trying to learn once more to just be happy by yourself, coz maybe, just maybe, love was never meant to find you in this lifetime. And it’s sad because you realize that no matter how people will try to tell you otherwise, you just don’t believe them anymore. All you hear is just bunch of crap, coz really now, when it comes to fate, do they really know any better?

I hate you, you know. I hate you for taking me for granted. I hate you for not loving enough to fight for what we could have. I hate you because I love you. And it sucks because I don’t know how the hell I’m gonna unlove you now and if I ever will.

One good thing about losing though is that at least you know that the damned game is over. And I can stop playing and finally start letting go.

And this time I swear, I will never, ever let this happen to me again.