To Bernading

To my bold and beautiful friend,

Of the 4 elements
You may choose earth
But I've always seen you as fire
Hot, bold, generous, and stunning

You may not tolerate a lot of things
But you give your all to those who matter

Thank you, girl, for being

My drinking and dancing buddy,
At times, coffeemate and coffeemaker
Occasionally, shopping pal
Often, chikkamate and yahoo friend,
Always, my cheerleader, reader and listener

Thank you, girl, for believing in me
For the support I can always count on
For understanding my craziness and genius (don't deny haha!)
My stoic moods and 'sounds colored' moments
And for hearing the beat of my soul.

Like fire, you are truly beautiful, Berna
Behind the bark and raised (and almost nonexistent! hehe) eyebrows
I know lies the heart of a kitten
A romantic and generous spirit

And now, before the moment passes me by,
I just really want to say
Thank you, girl, for sharing yourself with me.
God knows, you're one of the few treasures I've found in CannonCreek.

Sending you all my tequila-flavored hugs and kisses! Mwah!

Of Breaks & Going the Distance

I've been out of work for 3 days now and God, it feels good!

I didn't know it but I've missed feeling the sun on my skin, missed the smell of the air before 5 PM,missed the sight of the trees playing with the wind, the sight of sober people, uncrowded malls, and what's more, grabbing a movie and shopping with a girl friend while most of the world are working.

After more than four years, I thank God for this wonderful opportunity of a long-awaited break.

I can't tell you how many times people have asked me about my plans. Plans? What plans? A text message to Ronald goes: "Day, di pa kaya sa akong brain mo think right now. I'll do that when mabusog na ko sa laag and gutomon na akong tiyan."

Oh I know about risks, about the unpredictability of available jobs, and the need to pay attention in order not to be left behind. My mother raised me well enough never to take money for granted. I know I cannot live like this forever, that one day, I have to join the bandwagon and land myself a job.

But you see, I'm a simple person. I'm tired of going after the gold mine just because I have the skills and I can. One thing I know, I'm tired of working my ass off for something I'm not even sure matters. Money, which used to be one strong motivator, has failed to make me happy. Mind you, I'm grateful for the countless opportunities it's brought me. But right now, for me, it has ceased to be the point.

That's why I need this break. I need to find out and remind myself of the passions that drive me. Maybe, when I'm done and hungry once more, I'll apply for one of those useless jobs again, but this time, I'll do so knowing what the point is all about.

I'm not afraid of being poor (I've been there and maybe it'll do my soul some good). I'm not afraid of starting over and working hard. What I'm really afraid of is missing the point, of missing God's plan for me, and of wasting this life.

On my second night of freedom, I finally picked up my sticks and played the drums once more. I wiped off a year of dust from my snare, the cymbals, hi-hat, and base drum. The instrument sounded hollow to me, (due to being unplayed for such a long time I'll bet), but it didn't matter. I made a racket all over gorordo avenue and it was just pure heaven. I'm reminded of what I love about this instrument-- the way your whole body works and moves together just to whip out that beat, the discipline, the focus, and the blood singing through your veins. The way you need to be really loud to get it right and be heard. The energy. Release. Pure bliss.

Officially, I just know one song. The rest, for me are just jamming and wacky playing. I never really got to finish my barely-started lessons. But maybe I don't need this kind of learning to be structured. I haven't even picked my next song yet. But the point this time is that I'm having fun. So I'm playing it by ear.

I've also had the time to browse through my old record collection. And these two songs struck a chord:

from the sound track of Hercules
I have often dreamed
Of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome
Will be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer
When they see my face
And a voice keeps saying
This is where I'm meant to be
I'll be there someday
I can go the distance
I will find my way
If I can be strong
I know ev'ry mile
Will be worth my while
When I go the distance
I'll be right where I belong
Down an unknown road
To embrace my fate
Though that road may wander
It will lead me to you
And a thousand years
Would be worth the wait
It might take a lifetime
But somehow I'll see it through
And I won't look back
I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track
No, I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope
But I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance
And my journey is complete
But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart
Like a shooting star I will go the distance
I will search the world I will face its harms
I don't care how far I will go the distance
Till I find my hero's welcome
Waiting in your arms

from the soundtrack of Anastasia:

Heart, don't fail me now!
Courage, don't desert me!
Don't turn back now that we're here
People always say
Life is full of choices
No one ever mentions fear!
Or how a road can seem so long
How the world can seem so vast
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you
On this journey...to...
Somewhere down this road
I know someone's waiting
Years of dreams just can't be wrong
Arms will open wide
I'll be safe and wanted
Fin'lly home where I belong
Well, starting here, my life begins
Starting now, I'm learning fast
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you
On this journey...to...

Heart don't fail me now!
Courage don't desert me!
Home, Love, Family
There was once a time
I must have had them too
Home, Love, Family
I will never be complete
Until I find you...
One step at a time,
One hope, then another
Who knows where this road may go
Back to who I was
On to find my future,
Things my heart still needs to know
Yes, let this be a sign! Let this road be mine!
Let it lead me to my past
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you
To bring me home...At last!