Alice in Wonderland

The latest patches we activated for Fairyland was the Mermaid Princess and Alice in Wonderland. These were launched with some controversy since the release was later than expected.

Players clamored for it, spewed curses, begged and begged. But eventually they cooled down as the gates were finally opened and the new worlds of Mermaid and Alice more than met expectations.

New quests were undertaken, new lands were explored. For me, the Mermaid patch was charming but Alice simply blew my mind away.

My memory of fairy tales was a bit rusty so a fellow gamer had to reintroduce me to the golden-haired girl who fell asleep and plunged down the rabbit hole.

I guess what makes Alice appealing for me is that I relate well to her adventures, or shall we say "misadventures".

I remember a few months back how it felt getting aboard the Fairyland train -- it's akin to plunging down that rabbit hole. I recall the times I felt like shrinking in the presence of veteran players in this gaming industry and then the times I felt relatively bloated with collected know-how, and learning experiences as I pushed ahead. And then, along the way of promoting this one-of-a-kind game, I've landed in the most intriguing and unusual places around the Philippines and I've met people like the White Rabbit, the Mad Hatter, the Cheshire Cat, the Queen of Hearts and more. It was exhausting yet awesome at the same time.

I've bitched a few times, true. It wasn't always easy. But I also realize I loved every crazy moment of it all. And just as I was getting used to this eccentric world and prepping myself for the next phase or adventure, like Alice, I find myself waking up and facing the inevitable reality of the dream fading away.

I wanted to stay in my Wonderland a bit longer. For me, the adventure has barely even begun yet. I wanted to make that dream come true, damn it. But Harry Potter just didn't believe in it any longer and without his magic, it was all pointless. In his haste, he's already called on the sun to shine on our faces and now, it's too hot to sleep again.

Yesterday, we got the call from Hong Kong. Fairyland Philippines won't be entering its Pay-2-Play phase and will, instead, officially close in a week's time. The game is not just performing as well as that in Hong Kong, Japan, Malaysia, or US. What do they know? We haven't even tested it yet. Things take time to grow in this country, true. But with time and passion, we are learning and we are getting there. At least I hoped.

Having to let go of Fairyland is a bitter pill to swallow. But I guess, I just had to accept that the dream wasn't mine in the first place so it wasn't for me to fulfill it. Still, I would have fought and died to keep it alive. Being unable to do that is what hurts the most.

As Fairyland screeched to a halt, Harry Potter invited me to hop on another train... another adventure. But I thought... nah. How could he ask that so soon? I still wanna curl up on the train station bench and sing the Beetlerock Team's national anthem:

"Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when november (september) ends

like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when november (september) ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when november (september) ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when november (september) ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when november (september) ends

Pissed Off

Sometimes, it just feels so damned good to be NOT nice. To revel in the heat of blood pumping through your veins, rushing to your head. And to just scream so loud and so harsh you taste the blood in your throat.

The vision of my hands circling your narrow neck and squeezing it like you do a Cebu Pacific stress ball makes me smile with merciless glee. My eyes are overbright from the red glow of hostile energy surrounding my innocent feet flying beautifully to your ugly groin.

I long to stuff your lying mouth with the many pages of the outstanding speech running through my overactive mind. I'm sure you'd be addicted to the taste of perfumed paper as you are to a lot of useless things. And once your stomach becomes bloated and your mouth can't take anymore, I'll gag it with my super rich, super long, super beautiful hair so that no one -- absolutely no one -- will be fool enough to kiss your chapped lips and the world can finally rejoice!

The good angel whispers. Tells me I'm being mean and I'm overreacting.

Maybe I am. Maybe not. Guess what? I don't care.

I am a woman. I am entitled to my moods and celebrate them.

I am a free woman. I can be unreasonable when I want to.

I am not your woman. I don't have to tolerate you.

And if you're wise, you'll thank me for murdering you gently here. For being mean may just be the only thing saving me from hating you for good.

No, I'm not even sticking my head in the freezer this time. Dream on. My hair is red and I just love letting it out under the sun and shine.

Speechless

It's been days, weeks-- months even-- of finding myself speechless, blogless (so sorry, guys). But now, thank God, I find I'm not entirely wordless ;p

Grrr. I tried, I really tried... but it's been a real struggle to finish a single, simple, clueless blog entry. Words have failed me. And my muse? I dunno, but it must have gone with Peter Pan to neverland.

Life has been one rollercoaster ride after another the past few months. And all that's left of it is a red carpet of titles I would have posted on this blog had I found the inspiration, the time and the discipline to chronicle the highlights of past events.

To torture myself, let me post here so I will always remember the grating titles of the stories I meant to write but didn't:

A Series of Unfortunate Events: A Movie Review
Biting the Dust in Dumaguete
Circling Cagayan
Midnight Coffee in Davao
Smelling Zamboanga
Vietnam Noodles in Puerto Princesa
Dawning Panglao for Dolphins
Revisiting Bora: Jetski & Parachuting Galore
Revisting Bora 2: Baring it in a Midnight Swim
Raining Ukay in Baguio
Manila: Of Vomited Vodka Cherries and Jimmy Bondoc
Jamming with MYMP
Me? A Maid of Horror? (Only for the Love of Berna)
That Perfect Moment with Paolo Santos
Breaking Up with Harry Potter
Barefoot Emi in Ayala
Maid of Horror Part 2 (For the Love of Almera)
Shopping Spit

I dare say writing's got to be the most frustrating lover of all. You hate it and you love it. It consumes you then leaves you. But like the tide, it always comes again.

As painful as it is, I continue the struggle to write (heaven help me!) I may not always find the words... but I believe they're there. To quote Jamie, like the wind-- I don't see it but I feel it. And just like love, I know I'll learn from it and grow with it.

Who knows, one day, I might just tap away on my keyboard again and restart writing any, if not all, of these stories. If not, then maybe there's another around the corner waiting for me to tell. Let's just see where the wind blows...

I don't wanna rush it. For, as they say, all good things come in good time.

Until then, I learn to wait for my muse. Perhaps, like last time, I'll find it again in a cup of brewed coffee and a bite of snickers chocolate.