Arranged Marriage

My good friend MD is the epitome of a modern woman – bold, self-sufficient, and liberal in her beliefs. She was the first girl I knew to have her hair ironed back in the 90s, the first in our journalism class who dared to have her work published, and the first feminist I know to embrace out-of-the-closet lesbian lovers.

MD is perhaps my most forward thinking friend. Who would have thought that, in the end, she would willingly succumb to a most traditional concept – an arranged marriage?

As I witnessed my friend’s legal marriage to a man she barely knew, I wondered – are arranged marriages the next big trend in the city? Has the age of love and courtship become so forward that so much of the future is going back to the past?

About three years ago, MD, after having had several failed relationships, expressed her intention to her spiritual mentors to have her marriage arranged. She was tired of making the wrong choices, of being clouded by the illogical decisions of a person half crazy with love, she said.

Fast forward to the summer of 2008, little did MD know that her solo flight to an international yoga conference in Davao would land her in weddingville. The day before she was supposed to fly back to Cebu, she was told that “her husband was ready.”

So they met for the first time. The man could barely speak English or Cebuano, but they talked. Nineteen hours later, they were blessed in a spiritual ceremony as husband and wife. The legal rites followed 3 months later.

There was no courtship. No rings or red roses. No premarital sex. But apparently there was a meeting of the mind and soul.

“Did he “complete” you?” we asked. MD answered, “No, but 3 years ago I profiled the man I wanted to marry. He completed my checklist.”

Perhaps it’s mad to marry when one is not in love. But then maybe in a world in which the search for "The One" has disappointed so many of us, there is comfort in letting someone else solve the love dilemma. Imagine never having to waste time looking for love. I quote one woman, “We’re on option overload, and we’re maxed out in terms of time, and we’d all love a partner. So it makes sense to enlist those who know us best to forge a proper and satisfying match.”

I still think having an arranged marriage was one of the craziest decisions my friend made in her life. It was also the bravest. To MD, who never backs down from the unusual, best wishes to your new life in Korea!

-- Sunstar Weekend, 9/20/08

Homecoming

After about a year of blissful beach life existence in Boracay, I figured it was time to trade in my well-worn island slippers for the comfort shoes of city life once more. Never mind that the habagat season was just beginning and bringing a rain of new possibilities to the island this year. I was going home.

So last month, I came back to Cebu, too late for my alma mater’s weeklong centennial homecoming celebration, TUNOB sa U.P. I was just in time, however, to experience firsthand that a 2-minute taxi drive in the city already costs more than P40, that the basic jeepney fare has gone up to P8 from P6, or that the prices of movie tickets have skyrocketed to about 50% more. Even Charcoal Grill’s ever tasty and dependable 5-peso ngohiong is now being sold for P7.

But while one feels the gaping hole in her consumer pocket, Cebu’s changing landscape tells you that the city is far from challenged, and is in fact, booming despite the times.

I remember that the 30-minute ride from the airport was an intriguing blur of new high rise buildings, worse traffic, new line of car models and more advertising billboards. Who would have thought that the influx of international companies would cause employment ads to leap from the classifieds to the skies?

I came back to see SM Northwing fly and well-heeled yuppies do The Walk at IT Park. Ayala has a new posh wing and Lexmark just erected a couple of buildings. Starbucks is multiplying. Even Figaro has come to Cebu.

After being an island girl for some time, I really do not know what scares me more – that I would no longer know how to walk on high heels or that a city you’ve walked on for so long could change so much after only a year.

But then one dawn, while jogging along a nearby park, I was surprised to see some familiar faces – the once pregnant lady in hot pink pants, the faithful group of Chinese businessmen, and even the guy athlete in skimpy shorts. A face or two lent a smile of recognition and I gladly waved back. It felt good to know that some things remained the same. In that moment, as I reveled in the cool morning air, I felt at home for the first time.

Like an old classmate you meet again three jobs later, Cebu may sport a different look now, but I realize the history is still there. Now looking forward, I can’t wait to get to know this city once more.


-- SunStar Weekend, 9/6/08