Now ladies, put your hands up! A guy friend wants to know what that ring on your finger says. Did a man just heed Beyonce’s call and finally “put a ring on it”? Are you now married, engaged? Or could it be that you just have fashionably good taste in jewelry? Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh...
Nowadays, the meaning of a ring on a lady’s finger is not so clear-cut. Though it seems that most rings begin with a question, you’ll find out it’s not necessarily always “Will you marry me?” Some rings are by nature symbolic. Some may take on meaning depending on the finger the ring is worn. While others just sparkle, like white noise, not saying anything at all.
I guess the key thing here is simply to ask, which I did. So let’s hear it straight from the ladies.
With This Ring, I Say “I Will”
Promise rings are quite common though their meaning change depending on the reason and intention for which they’re given. Personally, these are what I call the innocently doe-eyed virgin rings. They come in many forms. There are the promise rings between good friends, usually worn on the little finger, to show commitment that they will always be there for each other in times of need. Purity rings, given by parents to their children, symbolize a promise from the child to abstain from sexual relationships until marriage. The chastity or abstinence promise ring may be worn by a recovering smoker or alcoholic as a sign of commitment to abstain from vices. And then, I find out, there are also the pre-engagement promise rings (here I can’t help rolling my eyes). The engagement ring, I understand. But to promise today that you will vow to be engaged in the future so you can promise again to love and spend your lives together in the, well, even far future (marriage)… how many promises do you actually need? Could it be that the lady just wants the ring more than the promise? Hmmm.
With This Ring, I Say “I Do”
Or bluntly put to other men, “Yes, I’m taken. Now back off.”
The wedding ring has been around for centuries. Though the practices may vary somewhat in different cultures, practically everyone recognizes the importance of sealing a marriage – and a string of “I dos” – with an exchange of rings. It is said that the most potent and most fundamental symbol of marriage remains a simple band of gold, worn without ornamentation on the ring finger of the left hand. Why that particular finger? Both the ancient Romans and Egyptians believed that a vein - called the vena amoris in Latin - runs directly from that finger to the heart. So in essence that makes it closer to the heart than a ring worn on any other finger.
With This Ring, I Say “Ah!”
Single and looking? Well, they’re now putting a ring on it, baby. In fact, currently circulating online is what you call the “Ah” Ring, which supposedly stands for “available and happy”. It looks like a silver band sprinkled with diamonds and is meant to be worn on the pinky. Apparently, some companies like D Jewelry Co. now offer rings to celebrate one’s singlehood. The online site MySingleRing.com even claims that those who wear its rings project to the world: “I am an intelligent, empowered individual and available to meet the same.”
With This Ring, I Say “Aaarrghh”
It may not directly apply in this country but I am fascinated by the news abroad that the resale market for used engagement and wedding rings is actually booming. Ever heard of the online auction web sites IDoNowIDont.com and ExBoyfriendJewelry.com? It is said that more and more divorced women are reconfiguring their wedding rings to “help facilitate healing.” A company which sells divorce rings uses the tag line: “Building self-esteem one person at a time.”
And then for frustrated ladies with stalkers who just don’t take the hint, apparently they say it now with the “Ms. Taken” ring. It’s an engagement-ring look-alike that you can slip on when needed to zap pushy guys into oblivion. Yes, just like Darna.
With This Ring, I Say “I Can”
I’ve been told often enough that I should find a man to buy me diamonds. I don’t agree but I just usually nod and smile politely. After all, they’ll never understand me when I say: why should I? I prefer rubies.
When I was old enough to buy my own jewelry, I asked to know what piece a lady should first have in her collection. Most of my girlfriends agree that it should either be pearl earrings or a pair of diamond studs. I believe though that the most important piece that a beginner should invest on is her birthstone. It’s been said that wearing a birth stone gives off a certain kind of power and calmness and that it attracts good health and fortune. So naturally, being July-born, the first piece of jewelry I bought was a ruby ring. With it, it’s quite liberating to say that yes, I can pick my own rock; that I can afford to buy it; that I can enjoy it without the fear of losing it—after all, no one bought it for me so I know it’s never gonna haunt me in the form of a disgruntled giver saying, “You lost it. Don’t you love me anymore?” (sheesh); and that now I can finally use this line without flinching, “Hey, it’s not you, it’s me”
In the hit song “Single Ladies”, Beyonce drives home the point over and over “If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it.” All this time I thought she was just berating a man for being too chicken to commit. Perhaps, I wasn’t listening closely. Now I know she’s talking to us ladies too. If we like it, then why not put a ring on it? Oh yeah, we can. Wha-oh-oh. (Say it to me at aileen.quijano@gmail.com)
--SunStar Weekend, 28 August 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
A Day to ‘Eat, Pray, Love’
Every year, it becomes more of a challenge to celebrate one’s birthday. Aside from the fact that there’s no stopping the candles from adding up, there comes a point in your life when blowing another birthday cake, popping balloons or throwing another cocktail party just doesn’t do the trick anymore. So what then?
Recently, a dear friend surprised me with a birthday gift-- Elizabeth Gilbert’s bestselling book “Eat, Pray, Love”. As many of us must have known by now (thanks to the massive pre-pub of the upcoming movie version with no less than Julia Roberts as the lead), it’s the non-fiction story of a middle-aged writer who packs up her entire life and takes it on the road to find pleasure in Italy, devotion in India, and balance in Indonesia. I was so moved by it all that it felt like an answer from heaven. Wouldn’t it just be grand to experience that kind of journey and self-reinvention on one’s birthday?
I do realize that not everyone is lucky enough to be able to travel around the world at any given time – like Elizabeth Gilbert – to find meaning, lick one’s wounds or simply celebrate. Especially not when you have a day job that can only give you a 24-hour reprieve. Still, I was inspired enough to believe that if one has a mind to, it shouldn’t matter where we are, we can pursue anything we want right here, right now. So for this year, I decided to junk the parties and permit myself to try something new for a day– to eat, pray, love right here in my beloved city. And this time – not unlike Elizabeth Gilbert, in solitude.
EAT
On my birthday, I wake up with a smile, dreaming of food. In Cebu, the good choices are endless. Among my personal favorites are Café Marco’s hands-down unbelievable international buffet, Sunburst Chicken, Tsim Sha Tsui’s shrimp balls with Malacca fried rice, and Nonki’s crispy fried Ebi tempura.
While my current brand of poison is Bistro Ecila’s plain margarita and the occasional Don Barosso’s semi-sweet red wine at the Wine Shop, for comfort I usually turn to Potato Corner’s sour n’ cream-flavored french fries or a pint of Nestle’s extra creamy ube ice cream. And then to tie it up with a Red Ribbon—who can resist its rich chocolate mousse?
I am drooling by the time I get to the door. But just as I’m about ready to go and gluttonize, I get sidetracked by the sweet smell of Julie’s hot mongo ensaymada and cheese bread in my neighborhood. It’s been a long time since I breathed in this sweet aroma from my childhood days, back when my cousin Liz and I would sneak out of the house, buy bread with our meager coins and take turns cooking Lucky Me pancit canton.
On impulse, I buy some. I find bananas, another childhood favorite, in a nearby fruit stand and buy again. Then I go back home to recreate my favorite meal – freshly-cooked pancit canton with hot bread, sweet banana coated in peanut butter and cheese spread, along with a glass of apple juice.
Thinking of comfort food, I suddenly miss my mother’s homemade chicken adobo. Ahh, now that, I believe, is something I wouldn’t exchange for anything. Not even for a transcendent slice of Italy’s famous pizza. The moment I realize this, I am instantly filled with gratitude. For my childhood-- the remembrance that some of the best things in life could be as simple as hot bread and pancit canton. And then for my mother-- the comfort of knowing that the best food is just a phone call away.
PRAY
In the city, my house is centered enough to be surrounded by churches. From the terrace, I can see the twin towers of Redemptorist Church and hear the clanging bells of Asilo. For a quick ride, there’s Sacred Heart chapel towards south and the newly-erected Mormon temple in the opposite direction. And then there’s a Christian fellowship in Ayala just a short walk away.
It should have been easy enough, but I guess, I’m just not what you might call a religious person. Allow me to say at this point that I do not mean to offend anyone with my choices. I have a long way to go yet in my spiritual journey. But if I were to remain true to myself and my God, I ought to acknowledge my truths at present: I pray best not on my knees, but rather cross-legged in a garden or barefoot on a deserted beach, looking out to sea- my personal reminder of God’s deep, unfathomable love. I don’t go to Confession but I wrestle with God when I swim on a river, run in the sports Oval, or cry in one of the city’s parks. And on special days, like my birthday, I find more meaning in lighting a candle than hearing mass. More than entering a temple or an ashram in India perhaps, I would rather just go out and plant a tree or find a quiet corner and meditate on God’s love in its many forms – the dimpled laughter of my seven-year-old nephew, my mother’s adobo, or even the awakening of a budding rose. That’s just me, not perfect yet, but believing in faith I will be in God’s time.
LOVE
After a full meal and a quiet time of prayer, I change into a cuter outfit and take myself out on a date in the city. As a special treat, I surrender to a good Thai massage near my place. I figure I need more color in my world, so I go to David’s Salon for a long overdue mani-pedi then book an appointment with Alex of Bridges Avant-Garde for a hair makeover. Oh, I look good. I feel good. As I strut along Ayala Mall, I can’t stop humming, “I love you more today than yesterdaaaay, but not as much as tomorrow…”
Then, when you’re feeling this happy, a funny thing happens-- you want the world to be happy too. Like an open pipeline, your joy simply overflows that now you’re thinking of ways to give back on both ends. Such as maybe give an hour’s worth of salary to Children’s Hour, pick up your trash, or help someone build a home. That’s the great thing about love. Once you feel it, it just spreads and grows. You can’t contain it. At the end of the day, maybe that’s all we really need to feel and stay blessed—to eat, pray, love on our birthday and the days to come.
-- SunStar Weekend, 14 August 2010
Recently, a dear friend surprised me with a birthday gift-- Elizabeth Gilbert’s bestselling book “Eat, Pray, Love”. As many of us must have known by now (thanks to the massive pre-pub of the upcoming movie version with no less than Julia Roberts as the lead), it’s the non-fiction story of a middle-aged writer who packs up her entire life and takes it on the road to find pleasure in Italy, devotion in India, and balance in Indonesia. I was so moved by it all that it felt like an answer from heaven. Wouldn’t it just be grand to experience that kind of journey and self-reinvention on one’s birthday?
I do realize that not everyone is lucky enough to be able to travel around the world at any given time – like Elizabeth Gilbert – to find meaning, lick one’s wounds or simply celebrate. Especially not when you have a day job that can only give you a 24-hour reprieve. Still, I was inspired enough to believe that if one has a mind to, it shouldn’t matter where we are, we can pursue anything we want right here, right now. So for this year, I decided to junk the parties and permit myself to try something new for a day– to eat, pray, love right here in my beloved city. And this time – not unlike Elizabeth Gilbert, in solitude.
EAT
On my birthday, I wake up with a smile, dreaming of food. In Cebu, the good choices are endless. Among my personal favorites are Café Marco’s hands-down unbelievable international buffet, Sunburst Chicken, Tsim Sha Tsui’s shrimp balls with Malacca fried rice, and Nonki’s crispy fried Ebi tempura.
While my current brand of poison is Bistro Ecila’s plain margarita and the occasional Don Barosso’s semi-sweet red wine at the Wine Shop, for comfort I usually turn to Potato Corner’s sour n’ cream-flavored french fries or a pint of Nestle’s extra creamy ube ice cream. And then to tie it up with a Red Ribbon—who can resist its rich chocolate mousse?
I am drooling by the time I get to the door. But just as I’m about ready to go and gluttonize, I get sidetracked by the sweet smell of Julie’s hot mongo ensaymada and cheese bread in my neighborhood. It’s been a long time since I breathed in this sweet aroma from my childhood days, back when my cousin Liz and I would sneak out of the house, buy bread with our meager coins and take turns cooking Lucky Me pancit canton.
On impulse, I buy some. I find bananas, another childhood favorite, in a nearby fruit stand and buy again. Then I go back home to recreate my favorite meal – freshly-cooked pancit canton with hot bread, sweet banana coated in peanut butter and cheese spread, along with a glass of apple juice.
Thinking of comfort food, I suddenly miss my mother’s homemade chicken adobo. Ahh, now that, I believe, is something I wouldn’t exchange for anything. Not even for a transcendent slice of Italy’s famous pizza. The moment I realize this, I am instantly filled with gratitude. For my childhood-- the remembrance that some of the best things in life could be as simple as hot bread and pancit canton. And then for my mother-- the comfort of knowing that the best food is just a phone call away.
PRAY
In the city, my house is centered enough to be surrounded by churches. From the terrace, I can see the twin towers of Redemptorist Church and hear the clanging bells of Asilo. For a quick ride, there’s Sacred Heart chapel towards south and the newly-erected Mormon temple in the opposite direction. And then there’s a Christian fellowship in Ayala just a short walk away.
It should have been easy enough, but I guess, I’m just not what you might call a religious person. Allow me to say at this point that I do not mean to offend anyone with my choices. I have a long way to go yet in my spiritual journey. But if I were to remain true to myself and my God, I ought to acknowledge my truths at present: I pray best not on my knees, but rather cross-legged in a garden or barefoot on a deserted beach, looking out to sea- my personal reminder of God’s deep, unfathomable love. I don’t go to Confession but I wrestle with God when I swim on a river, run in the sports Oval, or cry in one of the city’s parks. And on special days, like my birthday, I find more meaning in lighting a candle than hearing mass. More than entering a temple or an ashram in India perhaps, I would rather just go out and plant a tree or find a quiet corner and meditate on God’s love in its many forms – the dimpled laughter of my seven-year-old nephew, my mother’s adobo, or even the awakening of a budding rose. That’s just me, not perfect yet, but believing in faith I will be in God’s time.
LOVE
After a full meal and a quiet time of prayer, I change into a cuter outfit and take myself out on a date in the city. As a special treat, I surrender to a good Thai massage near my place. I figure I need more color in my world, so I go to David’s Salon for a long overdue mani-pedi then book an appointment with Alex of Bridges Avant-Garde for a hair makeover. Oh, I look good. I feel good. As I strut along Ayala Mall, I can’t stop humming, “I love you more today than yesterdaaaay, but not as much as tomorrow…”
Then, when you’re feeling this happy, a funny thing happens-- you want the world to be happy too. Like an open pipeline, your joy simply overflows that now you’re thinking of ways to give back on both ends. Such as maybe give an hour’s worth of salary to Children’s Hour, pick up your trash, or help someone build a home. That’s the great thing about love. Once you feel it, it just spreads and grows. You can’t contain it. At the end of the day, maybe that’s all we really need to feel and stay blessed—to eat, pray, love on our birthday and the days to come.
-- SunStar Weekend, 14 August 2010
Sunday, August 01, 2010
Sleepless in Seattle’s Best
It was 10:00 o’clock on a Thursday night and, not so strangely, we were eating breakfast in Seattle’s Best. Movie buddy Jan and I needed a good kick to resurface back to the real world, and we found it – sweet heaven – in the rich selection of ham and cheese omelet, french toast, corned beef, toasted bread and two mugs of steaming café mocha.
Earlier that night, we were plugged (almost like Neo in The Matrix) for more than two hours in a separate world, bodies strapped down securely with jumbo fries to the cinema seat, while we crusaded into the different realities of Christopher Nolan’s latest movie blockbuster – Inception.
In the film, Leonardo DiCaprio plays Dom Cobb, a professional thief whose talents involve delving deep into a person's mind to extract valuable secrets while he or she is in a dream state. The movie has enough layers of complexity that we're never quite sure what plane of experience we're standing on exactly. It was quite easy to lose ourselves in the startling visions of a fabricated maze or city, of Paris turning on top of itself, of floating bodies and iced mountains as Leo and his team moved through another person’s multileveled dream.
“Talk about ‘Sleeping on the Job’” Jan quipped. I swallowed quickly and laughed. “Yeah, he’s got to have the best job ever. But is it even possible?”
What strikes me most about the movie is the notion that while we are asleep, we can actually create an alternate world of reality without realizing we're doing it. That dreams, very much like movies, could bring out laughter, horror, pain, redemption, and even sometimes unlock the key to something we’ve been searching for. It gives us a chance to step outside of the box and create an alternate world for us to play in for awhile. How cool is the human mind?
Curious, I put down my fork and googled about dreams. From Wikipedia, I gathered four interesting types –the False Awakening (a vivid dream about waking up from sleep, also called a "double dream" or a "dream within a dream"); the Lucid Dream (one in which the dreamer has been aware of dreaming); Continuum (the subject falls asleep in real life, but in the dream following, the brain simulates the subject as though they were still awake. Think: Nightmare on Elm Street); and Simulated Reality (what we perceive as reality is an illusion).
Munching on eggs, I had a thought: what if, in truth, we were all just sleeping? Like what the movie Inception seems to suggest, what if our existing reality is just one big dream? What if the coffee shop I was sitting on was simply a figment of my imagination, born out of my need to prolong the dream of Inception? Absentmindedly, I raised my cup and took a sip. The coffee seared my tongue. Hot, hot.
In Eastern philosophy it is stated that the world we experience and the life we live are the reflections of our thoughts. Thus the world is simply an illusion- “Maya”, they call it. By changing our thoughts, we change the illusion and experience a different reality.
Do we buy it? Knock, knock. Maybe it's time to rethink about truth, perception and reality as we know it. If reality is defined as the composition of truths, then perception, after all, is what fuels truth.
In the movies, it only takes about 20 minutes to get over a broken heart; another 30 to build an empire or rise from the ashes of pain; less than two hours to recognize true love. And for those few minutes we sit in the dark, entranced by the power of this reality, we consider these as truth. Just like dreams when we sleep. How convenient, isn’t it, for it all to be in the mind?
In that brief moment I chewed and swallowed my last piece of toast, I considered letting go of this world, my present, to sleep and live for alternate dreams. What of me to choose immortality like Bella, or to weave magic like the Sorcerer’s Apprentice; or to spar with the Firebender? Would it be the experience of a lifetime, or would I just find myself in limbo and discover I don’t really exist, after all, like that clueless character of Nicole Kidman in the movie “The Others”? If I continue to sleep, will my family and friends still be real or just be mere projections of my need for comfort and love?
I shuddered at these last thoughts. Just then, I felt myself gasping for a sense of the familiar. I had the sudden urge to indulge in pure sensation. Like that hot coffee, I needed truth to bite me on the tongue once more. Better yet, I needed to taste and feel the shifting dreams melt in my mouth. Suddenly I knew – to complement that big breakfast in Seattle’s, I’ve got to have some of Gelatissimo’s pistachio ice cream next door before I sleep.
Still wide awake, we slowly walked home under the blanket of the midnight sky. I swirled my tongue on the melting ice cream just as the wind blew droplets of rain into my face. I looked up. The world was drizzling – both rain and possibilities. I felt the wings of joy ran through my spine as I recognized then that this world was the reality I’ve chosen. Rich. Full. Crazy. Beautiful. I realized then, all those dreams and movies, no matter how good they may be (even those in 3D) – are just mere shadows of my reality.
I licked my pistachio ice cream once more. Mmm, yes, something this good couldn’t be a dream. Still I pinched my palm and gave myself a good smack on the head…just in case. Then for good measure, I punched Jan in the arm, too. Just in case.
--SunStar Weekend, 31 July 2010
Earlier that night, we were plugged (almost like Neo in The Matrix) for more than two hours in a separate world, bodies strapped down securely with jumbo fries to the cinema seat, while we crusaded into the different realities of Christopher Nolan’s latest movie blockbuster – Inception.
In the film, Leonardo DiCaprio plays Dom Cobb, a professional thief whose talents involve delving deep into a person's mind to extract valuable secrets while he or she is in a dream state. The movie has enough layers of complexity that we're never quite sure what plane of experience we're standing on exactly. It was quite easy to lose ourselves in the startling visions of a fabricated maze or city, of Paris turning on top of itself, of floating bodies and iced mountains as Leo and his team moved through another person’s multileveled dream.
“Talk about ‘Sleeping on the Job’” Jan quipped. I swallowed quickly and laughed. “Yeah, he’s got to have the best job ever. But is it even possible?”
What strikes me most about the movie is the notion that while we are asleep, we can actually create an alternate world of reality without realizing we're doing it. That dreams, very much like movies, could bring out laughter, horror, pain, redemption, and even sometimes unlock the key to something we’ve been searching for. It gives us a chance to step outside of the box and create an alternate world for us to play in for awhile. How cool is the human mind?
Curious, I put down my fork and googled about dreams. From Wikipedia, I gathered four interesting types –the False Awakening (a vivid dream about waking up from sleep, also called a "double dream" or a "dream within a dream"); the Lucid Dream (one in which the dreamer has been aware of dreaming); Continuum (the subject falls asleep in real life, but in the dream following, the brain simulates the subject as though they were still awake. Think: Nightmare on Elm Street); and Simulated Reality (what we perceive as reality is an illusion).
Munching on eggs, I had a thought: what if, in truth, we were all just sleeping? Like what the movie Inception seems to suggest, what if our existing reality is just one big dream? What if the coffee shop I was sitting on was simply a figment of my imagination, born out of my need to prolong the dream of Inception? Absentmindedly, I raised my cup and took a sip. The coffee seared my tongue. Hot, hot.
In Eastern philosophy it is stated that the world we experience and the life we live are the reflections of our thoughts. Thus the world is simply an illusion- “Maya”, they call it. By changing our thoughts, we change the illusion and experience a different reality.
Do we buy it? Knock, knock. Maybe it's time to rethink about truth, perception and reality as we know it. If reality is defined as the composition of truths, then perception, after all, is what fuels truth.
In the movies, it only takes about 20 minutes to get over a broken heart; another 30 to build an empire or rise from the ashes of pain; less than two hours to recognize true love. And for those few minutes we sit in the dark, entranced by the power of this reality, we consider these as truth. Just like dreams when we sleep. How convenient, isn’t it, for it all to be in the mind?
In that brief moment I chewed and swallowed my last piece of toast, I considered letting go of this world, my present, to sleep and live for alternate dreams. What of me to choose immortality like Bella, or to weave magic like the Sorcerer’s Apprentice; or to spar with the Firebender? Would it be the experience of a lifetime, or would I just find myself in limbo and discover I don’t really exist, after all, like that clueless character of Nicole Kidman in the movie “The Others”? If I continue to sleep, will my family and friends still be real or just be mere projections of my need for comfort and love?
I shuddered at these last thoughts. Just then, I felt myself gasping for a sense of the familiar. I had the sudden urge to indulge in pure sensation. Like that hot coffee, I needed truth to bite me on the tongue once more. Better yet, I needed to taste and feel the shifting dreams melt in my mouth. Suddenly I knew – to complement that big breakfast in Seattle’s, I’ve got to have some of Gelatissimo’s pistachio ice cream next door before I sleep.
Still wide awake, we slowly walked home under the blanket of the midnight sky. I swirled my tongue on the melting ice cream just as the wind blew droplets of rain into my face. I looked up. The world was drizzling – both rain and possibilities. I felt the wings of joy ran through my spine as I recognized then that this world was the reality I’ve chosen. Rich. Full. Crazy. Beautiful. I realized then, all those dreams and movies, no matter how good they may be (even those in 3D) – are just mere shadows of my reality.
I licked my pistachio ice cream once more. Mmm, yes, something this good couldn’t be a dream. Still I pinched my palm and gave myself a good smack on the head…just in case. Then for good measure, I punched Jan in the arm, too. Just in case.
--SunStar Weekend, 31 July 2010
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