Ramblings from 2003 I

Sunset
7/14/03

Sunsets makeme thinkof my brother. It could be uncomfortably hot, very much fickle, lazy, and easily gone in a moment-- if you're not careful enough to monitor the clouds that hover around. And yet, it is so breathtakingly beautiful. It triggers a yearning in yourself that prods you to look for it after bouts of missing it.

The sun shines through the thick, eye-curing leaves that faithfully try to shield me from the harsh rays. It will meet the sea soon, coloring the world with flashes of red, pink, lavender, and whatever else its mood may see fit.

Not so distant away, the cow moos, preparing to find shelter before darkness falls, panicking as its young child does not heed the call. The birds chirp, singing their lovely songs, simply grateful for not being eaten alive by higher predators in the food chain.

The chicken cackles so, desperately fleeing for its life as the gleam of the sharp knife pursues it for dinner. The rooster warns of time as it senses the fading light.

A frail-looking woman briskly sweeps her backyard, quietly cursing the little insects trying to invade her territory. She desperately tries to remeber her mother's words that that they're no enemies, that like us, they too are trying to find their place in this world.

A child plays quietly by the sea dotted with little islands. She takes measure of the lad that looks for food at the sea for supper.

Oh, the sun setting is simply glorious. And as I take this picture, I'll keep it in my head and heart to remind me that in moments like this, life is simply beautiful.

I gotta go catch the sun before it fades into the night.


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On a Bus to Nowhere
7/15/03
Through the thumping speakers of the crusty, old CBL bus, a boy band croons about love and the longing for it. And, as apparently, when no answer came, it fades into the bright heat of the midday sun only to be replaced by the false declarations of another misguided singer. Songs like these and the people who foolishly sing them remind me of the world I'm going back to. I just hope somehow that amidst the shallowness, I can find something real, something worth staying for.

I have wanted to cut myself away even for just awhile but it seems even the remnants of that throbbing life can't be swallowed by the trees that line and lead me to the world of retreat. It seems that no matter how I try to forget, it'll always be a part of me. I can only pray that as I go back, I'll be ready to face the same issues, and somehow, be able to finally make sense of the chaos, the shallowness, the rush, disappointments, pain, hurt, the fleeting happiness, the laughter of the world that I'm used to.

I hope I can grab on to something substantial, to find that one true purpose that would make me give of myself, to love unconditionally, to give and find that joy and finally, contentment. And I hope that when I do, it wouldn't be as fleeting as the sunset. That it would only be as glorious, as exciting, as breathtaking, as lovely as giving...

And I rest in His rainbow of promise that before I meet the ax of death, He'll bring it all to be. And unlike Solomon, I'll be able to declare that life is not at all meaningless. It may be elusive, but not meaningless.


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I Wonder
7/15/03

I wonder what goes on in the mind of the curly-haired girl as she stares at me as if I'm an unusual specimen before her microscopic eyes.

I wonder if the long-haired lady with the brown tank top and tight jeans is truly happy being the glorified helper and bedmate of the aging, stiff-necked American.

I wonder if the chicken tied to the seat and securely held on the old man's lap thinks of murder and mayhem, of escape, of sorrow for the life and freedom left behind.