Decoding Manspeak

Ok, I admit -- for all my communications training, I still can't decode manspeak. I don't get men (well at least most of them anyway) . And because I don't, I find myself easily falling through the cracks of gullibility.

So Man 1 says he likes you. You smile.
He says he'd like to see you again. You grin.
And yet he doesn't ask. You wait.

He texts you sweet nothings. You smile.
Likens you to a movie star. You laugh. (Aw, shucks) You don't believe it but you laugh.
And still you wait.

So Man 2 says you're pretty. You smile
He asks for a photo. You stall.
He asks for your friendster address. You add him -- after you edited the darned thing you haven't visited for months.
He says your sexy. You grin.
Yet he doesn't make a move to kiss you. You wonder.
He says he misses you. You melt.
And yet, he doesn't ask you for a visit anyway. So you wait.

Weeks pass and you begin to realize that the question you've been waiting for does not really exist. What's more, it dawns on you that his statements actually end with a single dot, not ellipses.. so there's really nothing more to them than that.

So Man 3 tells you you're a spoiled brat. You fire back and say so what, he's an insensitive jerk too.
Man 3 says you look like a boy with your hair short. You cut it shorter.
He says you look like a manananggal with your long hair flying. You refuse to touch your hairbrush the entire day.
He sneers that you're too mushy and gullible. You punch him.
He says you're hopeless in the kitchen then proceeds to cook for you. You smile.

And then comes V-day, Man3 pops the question: Would you like to go out with me?
You say yes because he asked. Besides, you totally get him.

Sigh.

Just this afternoon, I got the following email from a friend. Whether it's true or not, you tell me please. After all, I still can't decode manspeak:

'WHEN A GUY SAYS HE MISSES YOU"

Guy Facts:

When a guy calls u he wants to be with you
When a guy is quiet, He's listening to you...
When a guy is not arguing, He realizes he's wrong
When a guy says, "I'm fine," after a few minutes, he means it
When a guy stares at you, he thinks you're the most beautiful thing in the world
When you're laying your head on a guy's chest he has the world
When a guy calls you everyday he is in love
When a (good) guy say he loves you he means it
When a guy says he can't live without you he's with you till your done
When a guy says, "I miss you," he misses you more than you could have ever missed him or anything else
And I say: Yeah, right. Stuff it.


P.S. O, berna... here's another entry as you ordered. Can't think of anything else. Paet.