Ever The Same

While in Cagayan de Oro, I rediscovered Rob Thomas amongst sexy Maya babes' eclectic CD collection and fell in love with him again. One song in particular moved me so much that I'm blogging it.

To Ann, Maya, my sis, my cousins, and my friends back in Cebu -- Thank You so much for letting me fall on you when I felt like falling apart. No words can ever describe how much it means to me.

And especially to the one sweet guy who took the 6-hour bus trip from Davao to CDO and then back just to see me, well, you may not be Rob Thomas, but thank you for making me feel this just the same:

we were drawn from the weeds
we were brave like soldiers
falling down under the pale moonlight
you were holding to me
like someone broken
and i couldn't tell you but i'm telling you now

just let me hold you while you're falling apart
just let me hold you so we both fall down

fall on me
tell me everything you want me to be
forever with you forever in me
ever the same

we would stand in the wind
we were free like water
flowing down
under the warmth of the sun
now it's cold and we're scared
and we've both been shaken
look at us
man, this doesn't need to be the end

just let me hold you while you're falling apart
just let me hold you so we both fall down

fall on me
tell me everything you want me to be
forever with you forever in me
ever the same
call on me
i'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
forever it's you
forever in me
ever the same

you may need me there
to carry all your weight
but you're no burden i assure
you tide me over
with a warmth i'll not forget
but i can only give you love

-- ever the same (by rob thomas)

he’s just Not that into you

While in Ozamiz, Ann gave me a book to help me pass the time while I wait for her to finish doing her rounds in the city. As soon as I saw the selection, I groaned. Ain’t life a bitch? As if I wasn’t already depressed enough. But I do believe books come to you for a reason. And since this one nudged its way particularly at this point in my life, I put aside Keats for the moment, and read it.

The book “he’s just not that into you” by greg behrendt and liz luccillo, consultant and writer of the hit and multi-awarded HBO series, Sex and the City, is perhaps the most painful, realistic yet enlightening book I’ve ever read in my life.

I had chest pains all the while I was reading it at a coffee shop all afternoon. And the cute waiter must have seen it all in my face, too, for he kindly kept giving me iced glasses of water while I was there.

The truth is not always pretty, but here let me just lay this down for me – and perhaps for you too-- so I’ll (or we’ll) never have to wonder again.

Hey girl, listen and listen well. Greg, a man, knows what he’s talking about when he says:

1. He’s just not that into you if he’s not asking you out. Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out.

2. He’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you. Men know how to use the phone. If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. (Ouch.)

3. He’s just not that into you if he’s not dating you. “Hanging out” is not dating. In the book, 100% of the guys polled said “a fear of intimacy” has never stopped them from getting into a relationship. One guy even remarked, “Fear of intimacy is an urban myth”.

4. He’s just not that into you if he’s not having sex with you. When men like you, they want to touch you, always.

5. He’s just not that into you if he’s having sex with someone else. There’s never going to be a good excuse for cheating.

6. He’s just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he’s drunk. If he likes you, he’ll want to see you when his judgment isn’t impaired.

7. He’s just not that into you if he doesn’t want to marry you. Love cures commitment-phobia. Just remember this -- every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn’t want to get married or doesn’t believe in marriage or has “issues” with marriage will, rest assured, someday be married. It just will never be with you. Because he’s not really saying he doesn’t want to get married. He’s saying he doesn’t want to get married to you. (Ouch!)

8. He’s just not that into you if he’s breaking up with you. “I don’t want to go out with you” means just that.

9. He’s just not that into you if he’s disappeared on you. Sometimes, you have to get closure all by yourself. (Aaarrggh)

10. He’s just not that into you if he’s married (and other insane variations of being unavailable). If you’re not able to love freely, it’s not really love.

11. He’s just not that into you if he’s a selfish jerk, a bully or a really big freak. If you really love someone, you want to do things to make that person happy.

The truth does hurt, doesn’t it? Sometimes, we just need it spelled out for us to finally acknowledge what we’ve known all along.

It’s not that easy to admit that the guys you’ve dated and liked are just not that into you. I’m guilty too of making excuses. I let myself be confused when actually there’s nothing to be confused about. It’s become so painfully clear that it’s not really men or my relationships that are complicated… it’s me who’s making things complicated.

Take it from the man who says it as it is: “When a guy is into you, he lets you know it. He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can’t keep his eyes or hands off of you, and when it’s time to have sex, he’s more than overjoyed to oblige. Men are not complicated, although we’d like you to think we are…We are driven by sex, although we’d like to pretend otherwise… And sadly (and most embarrassingly) we would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, ‘You’re not the one.’”

And there goes the bitter flavor of humble pie down my throat.

“Don’t waste the pretty,” Greg says.

Still, call me naïve, but I don’t see how you can really stop love when you feel love, even when it’s for a guy who’s really not that into you. Love after all is love. It should come freely and with no strings attached. When you feel it, you show it and say it. Something that beautiful should never be hidden nor go undeclared. I think it’s just sad to kill love once you feel it since it comes so rarely.

But I understand now how the guy who’s not that into you -- though you love him -- could never be THE ONE – no matter how much you believe you can change him. For The One will always be someone who will love you equally back. You don’t have to ask The One to stick by you and prioritize you in his life – he just does.

Well, maybe there’s love, and then there’s Love. Maybe love will just die naturally – eventually-- when the object of your affection is not really that into you. At least, I hope so.

My faith, I admit, is a bit shaky right now. But yeah, I still believe that in order to grow and be happy in love, we all need and deserve to be with The One.

Oh God, I so need a hug right now.

Tripping Mindanao

"He set about writing his first major work by taking himself to new places where fresh scenery would stimulate his senses." -- in reference to John Keats (Who, by the way, looks absolutely dreamy on his book cover)

It was perhaps the most depressing two weeks of my life when – like an angel from heaven- my all-time favorite travel buddy Ann offered me a way out of Cebu… at least for awhile. Sometimes in life, when you can’t see the road in front of you, it pays to have a friend point – nah, drag you—in the right direction.

I got no job and I’m almost broke, I told her, all too ready to decline her invitation to visit her down south. But like a deaf woman, she overruled my pitiful objections. So I cashed in the last money I had in the bank and bought a one-way ticket to Mindanao. How I’ll eat or where I’ll go, "bahala na lang si Lord." I just wanted to get out. That’s how desperate I was.

First Stop: Dipolog

"I feel more and more every day, as my imagination strengthens, that I do not live in this world alone but in a thousand worlds." -- John Keats

It takes about 20 minutes via tricycle to reach Dipolog from the Dapitan port. The two are called twin cities, by the way. Coming from a bustling city like Cebu, I kept wondering over and over, "where on earth are the people?" Though bigger than Dapitan, most of Dipolog’s streets were still quiet, disturbed only by the occasional tricycles that pass along. It took me about three days before I saw people my own age. Really.

There are no taxis and the few people there are – apparently lost in this other world—generally ignore you. But though it is not a friendly place, like Dapitan, it is a peaceful one.

It was in Dipolog where I found the cheapest pension house in all my travels so far, courtesy of Ann of course -- smart agent of Smart Communications whose area includes Zamboanga del Norte. Green Mellow Court only charges P120 per person, P80 if you can live without the TV. So what if the room was no bigger than my own at home? So what if it was so hot that you feel like drowning in your own sweat from time to time? So what if the ceiling fan wouldn’t rotate and faced only one direction? At least it was decent and clean. And you know what I found out? Eventually, you get used to it. Isn’t it funny how the little inconveniences just fade away when you’re nursing a greater one in your heart?

Second Stop: Dapitan

If you’re traveling hoping to meet some cute guys in some distant island, then Zamboanga del Norte is certainly not the place to be. But I went ahead and fell in love anyway, at least with Dapitan.

It takes 6 hours to get there via Oceanjet. Once on the coastal road, I saw unusual rock formations to my left and the quiet blue sea to my right – a quiet harbor for troubled souls, I thought. The roads are dotted by charming Spanish-styled houses. Apparently, the land area is so vast they don’t compete for space at all.

Dakak

On my second day, I had the privilege of being invited to the Fun Familia outing of Smart Communications Dipolog in Dakak.

Dakak, I just found out, is owned by Jalosjos—yeah, the controversial politico. Not only Dakak, but most of Zamboanga del Norte, apparently, so he must not be rich- but really filthy rich.

Dakak wasn’t as I expected. For one, it was farther than I thought. Located in Barangay Taguilon, Dapitan, it takes about an hour to reach there from Dipolog. Second, it was bigger than I imagined. Third, the sand was too fine to be true. Fourth, the staff was too unfriendly to be working at a resort.

But as always with Ann, the experience was a blast. While we have to walk for about 10 minutes and climb a hill to get to the cluster of cottages, our abode was charming. It was big and quiet and slightly overlooking. A perfect honeymoon spot, I thought. There I spent the night reading John Keats, my current travel book, and it was simply sensational. I’d hate to say orgasmic, though it was close ;p

And of course, there were the hunks and the hot babes by day, the endless pictorials, and the swimming sessions by the pool and the sea. Being partially enclosed by islets, the Dakak sea is so calm and clear I even saw one big fish swim right past me.

For our first night, we were treated to a cultural show where the girls danced the hula and the "pearly" dance and the men ate fire. It was unforgettable, just like our stay.

Rizal Shrine

"I am as happy as a Man can be… with the yearning passion I have for the beautiful, connected and made one with the ambition of my intellect." -- John Keats

Just by smelling the air of Dapitan, one can already sense the richness of its history. So though there was little time, I just had to drop by Dr. J.R.’s house, a man of intellect and passion.

And being there, I finally understood how Rizal could turn his back on a progressive life in Spain or Manila, and how he could have denied the Katipunan heroes his support for a bloody revolution and opted for more peaceful means. Dapitan, for me, just looks so serene that if I were to be exiled, I’d want it to be there too. It’s the needed breath of fresh air in a complicated life. And its beauty would inspire anyone to write. No wonder Rizal was so prolific too.

The Rizal shrine also gives testimony to his life as a doctor. It is said that he taught and treated in the various huts in the compound. His house was simple enough. Who needs more anyway when you’ve got a spectacular view of the bay, especially at sunset? The paints of his many girls were displayed, too. And, judging from his replica, he really is not that tall. It was so easy to hug him. Hehe. And studying his many faces on the wall, you’ve got to admit, he’s kinda cute. But the hairdo, man, I still maintain it’s a complete turn off.

Gloria de Dapitan

"However it may be, O for a Life of Sensations rather than of Thoughts! It is ‘a Vision in the form of Youth’, a Shadow of reality to come." -- John Keats

Zooming past Dapitan’s boulevard stretch from the Rizal shrine was such a thing of beauty that for once, I stopped thinking, and simply reveled in the sensation. As Keats said, already "Beauty is truth, truth beauty – that is all Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know."

My eyes feasted on the spectacular view of the sun’s rays dappling on the quiet blue sea. Pension houses interlaced with more Spanish- inspired structures. Before reaching the end of the stretch, there is this one place worth dropping by – the newly launched Gloria de Dapitan center. Boy, it was so amazing, you feel like you’re on foreign land. In the midst of such an old and traditional town, its screaming modernity is such a welcome respite. After going without a coffee shop for almost four days, I went delirious with joy when I finally saw one, Ann couldn’t help laughing. There were bars, an internet café, a classy shopping center, a gym, not to mention a circus complete with merry-go-rounds, ferris wheels, a castle and what-have-yous. Alright, I admit, while I hate it sometimes, I will always crave a remnant of city life wherever I go. The city will always be home for me.

But when you have the charm of old town in one hand and the convenience of a modern world on the other, what more could you ask for? As we rushed to catch the last bus for Ozamiz city, one thing kept running in my mind—yes, definitely, I’ll go back.

Next Stop: Ozamiz City

"She (Melancholy) dwells with Beauty- Beauty that must die" -- John Keats

As I write this, I am in Ozamiz City. They say this is the land of krooks. I dunno. Whatever.

Here we camped in Ann’s tiny computer-shop-cum-apartment. This place I’ll never forget for we had to fight at least five brave, crazy cockroaches to claim our right to be here. I dunno, it must be the lateness of the night, but I actually found it fun especially seeing us so brave when we’re both scared to death of the little bugs. We had no choice but to fight.

We dropped our bags amidst the printers and computers and slept on the floor. It really doesn’t matter where you are, does it, for as long as you are with the right companion. Halfway through Ann’s philosophical discourse on the malady of our love lives, I fell deeply into sleep. Morning came too soon.

This afternoon we ride for Iligan. I don’t know where I’ll sleep or find there, either. I’ve never been there. One thing I know, I’m not ready to go home yet. Besides, what for, anyway?