18 + 2(5) = 7 (1+3) + 20(0)6

Apparently, numbers don't lie. Today, I turn 28 and try as i might, there's just no way i can argue my way out of it.

If my life were to turn out the way i planned:

2 years ago, i would have been at the peak of my professional career, livin' my dream job

last year, i would have traveled the world already

this year, i'd be married

and in two year's time, i would have died and gone to heaven.

And yet today I find myself, after everything -- still single, a traveler not of the world but of my own home, and working at a job i did not know was possible when i graduated from college.

Apparently, too, My life already has a plan not my own.

Maybe, after all, my friend M is right: If it's just too hard to get something, then that something must not really be for you. You're meant for something else."

Come to think of it, the best gifts in my life did come to me in moments unexpected and times when i did not really ask for them: my family, true friends, helpful hands and souls when i was down, free vacations, great jobs, a lover, a 7-inch angel flying on a quarter moon arriving at my doorstep last midnight, faith ... maybe, even love?

For one who hates surprises, my life is certainly full of them. Maybe that's what it's all about.

Me? I'm done with planning. I'm done with wishin' and hopin'.

I'm tired of waiting for the fire in me to spark. I'm done looking for magic.

If they're meant to come, they'll come.

Born under the sign of cancer, I learned some time ago my element is water. Perhaps the best thing for me now is just to go with the flow.

At 28, my heart is learning to beat only for the moment -- another of life's gifts.