Naked Eyes Part 1: Walking with Toph

“I've seen enough of Ba Sing Se; and I can't even see!” -- Toph Bei Fong, The Blind Earthbender

I’ve been dressing my eyes since I was 13-- thanks to early myopia and astigmatism. First there were the rose-colored eyeglasses, which easily branded me as “smart” or (let’s just say it) a “nerd” in school. As I aged, the lenses got thicker and heavier until one time at the mall, Fe delos Reyes introduced me to the scary world of contact lenses. At that time, I couldn’t fathom why anyone would voluntarily let anybody poke anything in one’s eyes. Just gross, isn’t it, so I ran away as far as I could from the grinning optometrist.

But then in my 20s, vanity struck and I figured what a sweet life it would be if I didn’t have to keep pushing up my glasses every time I run at the Big Oval or if I can just kiss anyone passionately without banging them on the nose. Oops.

So I explored this scary yet fascinating world of contact lenses. I tried most of them – from the soft ones to RGPs. I learned the difference between fake and real tears. I appreciated the value of dirt-free eyes, so for many nights, I was a patient slave to lens cleaning. I learned to tolerate popping lenses and seeing strange halos at night (on some nice people, it actually fits). I developed special powers too-- even when drunk, I would always, somehow, remember to take off and clean my contacts. Otherwise, the lenses dry out and sucker themselves to your eyeballs which, believe me, you don’t really want to happen to you twice. Sigh.

For over 10 years, I lived in my contact lenses. So much so that working with my naked eyes no longer feel quite normal. One time, to my long time regret, I had to turn down a cute scuba diving instructor when he invited me for a date under the sea. Can you just imagine if my lenses would fall out and the fishes would eat them? Omg. How would I ever find my way back to the surface? Yes, my imagination is weird like that.

I guess I must have whined about this scuba date story a number of times (well, he was cute), because, one day, a friend suddenly blurted out in exasperation. “Have you ever considered going naked?” What?! “With your eyes, I mean, so you can keep your mouth closed. Geez. Take off the lenses. Do LASIK surgery.”

LASIK, as defined by www.larrazabaleye.com, is “a form of laser surgery that is capable of correcting nearsightedness, farsightedness, and astigmatism. The procedure uses a computer controlled excimer laser to reshape the cornea to correct your vision. The laser reshaping is done under a protective flap of tissue to promote a very rapid recovery of vision and minimize discomfort.”

Eye surgery? It was bad enough poking those little contacts in my eyes on a daily basis, but to actually have something zap my cornea … eeww! But then, when the universe conspires to grant you your heart’s desire, in my case- the freedom of a 20/20 vision, wouldn’t you at least consider going to bed with that mean laser machine?

Wide awake, I began to daydream about stuff people with graded eyes could only dream about. Such as seeing the clock at night without squinting, shaving my armpits and legs in the shower without guessing, not having one of those OMG moments when an RGP lens pops out and then searching through blurred eyes on the floor; no longer shopping for frames (it's almost as bad as shopping for high heels); no more travelling with big bottles of lens solution (as if my luggage is not heavy enough with the weight of today’s gadgets and numerous chargers). Well!

Fueled by these dreams, I began to research earnestly about LASIK surgery. Apparently, we are blessed to live in a time of wondrous technologies such as the New Allegretto Wave Eye-Q Excimer Laser System. Aside from being a mouthful, it is said to be the fastest, precise and most efficient laser in use today for laser vision correction. This was introduced to Cebu last year by Larrazabal Eye, headed by the initiative young eye surgeon Dr. Yong Larrazabal. It is also said the procedure takes only about 5 to 10 minutes per eye. That’s nothing compared to the time I spend cleaning lenses each night.

Then, I have to ask: what’s the worst thing that could happen? Like any surgical procedure, LASIK carries some risk of scary complications such as swelling, double vision, night vision problems (halos, hazes, stardusts), dry eye syndrome, or worse, severe corneal infection which could lead to blindness. Whoa! Though this is “extremely rare and highly unlikely”. Still, whoa!

Then to scare myself even more, I clicked on YouTube and watched a Lasik operation video. Just as we thought: Disgusting, scary, eeww.

But then, call me crazy, after everything I still like to go through with it. Well maybe it helped that I peppered every horror story with a handful of success testimonies from LASIK patients. It’s not an easy decision, mind you, but I guess, for me, it just boils down to one thing: if you’re not willing to handle the worst, then you don’t deserve the best.

To test myself, I decided to go naked (eyes, I mean) in public one afternoon. I left my RGPs and soft lenses swimming in their cases at home, while I secured my eyeglasses inside my bag (well, easy reach just in case). Half-blind, I sauntered to The Terraces, squinting against the bright light from the afternoon sun. Pretty brave, if you ask me, considering that I haven’t undressed my eyes in public for 20 years. If I look in the distance I can see blurry shapes and colors but have no idea what I'm looking at. Could be a tree, could be a person. To be on the safe side, I just plastered a half smile to my face and just faked it till I believed it.

With each blurry step, I find my thoughts gravitating towards Toph Bei Fong, the fictional blind master Earthbender, who managed to see the world with her feet. Among Avatar Aang’s friends, I’ve always had a fondness for Toph. In her words: “Even though I was born blind, I've never had any problems seeing! I see with earthbending. It's kind of like seeing with my feet. I feel the vibrations in the ground with my feet, and I can see where everything is: you, that tree, even those ants.”

I wonder about Toph’s awesome strength – despite her blindness, she fights. She doesn’t let life or anyone knock her down. And isn’t amazing how resourceful she is – letting her feet and her other senses do what her eyes couldn’t. She might just be one fictional character, but to this human, she is an inspiration.

Suddenly, as I stumble on mid-step, it became crystal clear to me—we need not fear whatever happens to us for the universe will always equip us with the strength we need to carry on. We are so much more than our present, our senses or whatever limited version we see of ourselves. The way I see it, I have two choices- to continue being afraid and never stop wondering about what-ifs for the rest of my life, or I can choose to punch my future in the dark and be a kick-ass girl like Toph.

With that, I went home, picked up the phone and promptly scheduled an appointment with Centre for Sight.

In my next column, I will tell you about the “eewwy” operation and how I flew with the Green Lantern. Stay tuned!

--SunStar Weekend, July 23, 2011