It’s All Relative

Have you ever tried reading the Book of Numbers in the Bible and somehow end up getting lost with all the genealogy – the list of tribes, the many sons and daughters who married into families with names we can even barely pronounce? And yet, just when we’re ready to brush it off, a common word or truth breaks through and jars us to reality. So even with our eyes falling, we continue reading on, hoping for more clues or a common name to at least help us recognize our present.

Family reunions, for me, are just like the Book of Numbers – repetitive, monotonous, full of “remember-whens” and yet, very enlightening when you least expect it. Depending on how we look at it really, one thing’s for sure -- it’s all relative.

Genealogist and writer Carol Braxton once said, “Everybody is a part of a big family. They just don't know it." How true. Recently, we were organizing a hotel event when Senyo, the director I’ve met just two days before, came up to me and asked out of the blue, “Hey, are you attending the family reunion?”

“Huh?” I blanked out for a moment. I knew the guy was from Bigfoot, but for the life of me, I couldn’t even recall his last name. Still… “We’re related? How ‘kewl’ is that!” And why doesn’t that surprise me? I’ve lost count of the number of times people have asked if I was related to a certain stranger in Guadalupe, a businessman in Carcar, or a talent manager in Manila – to which I always answer “Why not?” (Never mind that we may not actually be). In the Philippines, after all, it’s all relative.

And where there are relatives, there’s always a reunion. In true Filipino fashion, the VILLALUZ clan, from my mother’s side of the family, isn’t intimidated by the thought of planning a reunion for about a 100 or so of our kinfolk. The reunion, which falls on a Monday, December 27 at the Sacred Heart Center here in Cebu, is expected to draw relatives from all over the Philippines and abroad. The family tree branches into more than 50 families covering four generations. Realizing this, I begin to have mixed emotions about attending this reunion. Wouldn’t you?

Family reunions can be heartwarming and be about retightening family ties, or they can end up being a disastrous event that makes you wish you had stayed home. Some of us might be burdened by the cost of traveling. Or some of us would rather hide than face the ghosts of reunions past – Aunt Negativity; Cousin Nosy, Mr. Know-it-all; Ms. I-won’t-be-there-if-she’s-there; the unruly “children of the corn”; and even the uninvited four-legged tag-alongs that poop. Toxic, toxic. Holiday stress? Truly, it could all be relative.

But then again, like reading the Book of Numbers, a family reunion is also an opportunity to trace our roots, learn from history, connect many of the missing pieces of our past and perhaps, understand ourselves a little better. Indeed, organizing an event that could include hundreds of people that you aren't all that close to can be a daunting task. But then, it could also be worth the effort especially when you:

Discover that with family, anything is possible
Have you ever tried to fit 20 adults and 15 kids into a cottage with 10-person capacity? Apparently, families find ways. On the other hand, who would have thought that 10 years later, you’d be imparting the same words of wisdom from your elders (which you yourself did not follow anyway when you were younger) to your teenage nieces who, by the way, have no business being taller than you? And isn’t it just amazing how generations have evolved? Unlike before, kids nowadays can totally sit still for a couple of hours for as long as there’s a PlayStation on hand.

Feel history come alive through your family
Important events like WWII, the Edsa Revolution, the decades-long bloodbath in Mindanao or the sinking of the Dona Paz ship are all historical events I could not have fully grasped or appreciated if not for the surviving members of my family. Have you ever wondered how your ancestors landed in Philippine shores – by foot, by boat or through trade using a magic carpet perhaps? How did they celebrate milestones? How did they handle pain, hunger or loss of loved ones? Learning how they survived life’s tragedies or the changing times could give us insights into our own lives.

Find that your family’s love stories are juicier than fiction
I got to know most of my mother’s relatives through her bedtime stories. I remember being intrigued by the story of a great-aunt who fell in love with a cousin. I remember being amazed that my stern-looking Lolo Paz once hand-stitched with care my Lolo Ando’s handkerchief as a memento of their romance. I remember cheering on my Tito Odel who used to wait for hours every day outside the family’s ancestral home just for a chance to talk to my Tita Ester for a few minutes once the dragon– my Lola – goes to slumber. And who would have thought that my Bisdak father, afraid of not seeing my mother again, convinced her to elope from Davao to Cebu? Compared to theirs, boy, my love life is tame. Bummer.

Meet new family
Sometimes, meeting new people is hard. What do you talk about? Do you share the same crazy genes or did you just get that from your other side of the family? But then, who knows? A distant cousin might share the same passion and become your new best friend. Reunions are also the perfect opportunity to network. The more cousins, the more babysitters you get. Or the more text votes you have should you decide to enter Pinoy Big Brother’s house. Networking, in essence, is give-and-take. Helping family could earn you help in return.

Indulge in cultural exchange with family.
There goes that song in my head, “It’s a small world after all, it’s a small world after all…” One great thing about belonging to a big family is that you can travel far and wide and know that somehow, your brother, a cousin, an aunt or an uncle will manage to catch you along the way. When cousin Nim decided to backpack across America in his first bid for independence, he managed to go through the states by visiting long-lost relatives using a sketchy family tree as his guide. He wasn’t disappointed. On another part of the globe my Aunt Miriam taught me to appreciate the many dances of the Mindanao tribes. In Davao, every time my many cousins and I get together, cousin Louie never fails to mention we’re like the United Colors of Benetton. We may not have the same accents or share the same skin color, but we understand the language of family, with every syllable beating straight from the heart.

So going back to Senyo’s question: Yes, cousin, I’ll be there. Bring on the cameras and let’s capture memories that would take future generations another 48 years to sort through. To the whole clan, again, that’s Monday, December 27 at the Sacred Heart Center here in Cebu. See you all and Merry Christmas!

-- SunStar Weekend, 18 December 2010